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Humour sms text messages



Humour

Collection of Humour sms text messages - Add your favorite SMS at the end of the page

It’s important to find a man who has money, a man who adores you,a man who is great in the sack. It’s also important that these 3 men should never meet!

A man can kiss his wife goodbye. A flower can kiss a butterfly.Wine can kiss a frosted glass.But u my friend can kiss my ass!

i tried to call you from a payphone last night. i put my doner card in by mistake, it cost me an arm and a leg!

Hey can u do me a favour, take a pic of urself n send me it, i’m playin cards n i’m missin the joker!!

Hey friend remember dat without stupidity there can be no wisdom & without ugliness there can be no beauty… so the world needs YOU after all!

Jesus says to John come forth ill give you eternal life. John came fifth he won a toaster

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A girl phoned me the other day and said…”Come on over, there’s nobody home.” I went over. Nobody was home

At dis moment in time 10 million people r having sex.5 million people r drinking coffee.100 million people r sleeping & 1 stupid fool is reading my text!pass on

The rain makes all things beautiful.The grass & flowers 2. If rain makes all things beautiful why doesn’t it rain on you?

i want u 2 know dat our friendship means alot 2 me.U cry i cry.U lauf i lauf.U jump out of da window… I look down & den… i lauf again

Word Games

Im not under d affluence of incohol as some tinkle peep.Im not half as thunk as u drink.I fool so feelish and da drunker i stand here da longer i get

Last night i wanted to send u a msg, but all i could write was: “noh ss!w !”. it didn’t make much sense until i read it upside down…

MEN-opause MEN-strual pain MEN-tal illness GUY-necologist HIS-terectomy EVER NOTICED HOW WOMENS PROBLEMS START WITH MEN??

Pls remind me 2 remind u about remindin me to send u dis reminder oh dat reminds me can u remind me wot the reminder was ive forgot!

Piss the taking is someone that realise u this like times at its! NOW READ IT BACKWARDS!!

Hello!Im a little alien called Ted.I have taken the form of a mobile phone- your phone.And during this message I have been having sex with your thumb!

This cat is cat a cat good cat way cat to cat keep cat a cat idiot cat buzy cat for cat 20 cat seconds cat! NOW READ IT WITHOUT SAYIN CAT!

A)Ur Attractive B)Ur Buff C)Ur Charmin D)Ur Delicious E)Ur Excitin F)Ur Funny G)Ur Gorgeous H)Ur Heavenly I)Im J)Just K)Kiddin L)Loser!

HOW TO KEEP AN IDIOT ENTERTAINED *press down* HOW TO KEEP AN IDIOT ENTERTAINED *press up*

Wot letters r missin in H__RT? EA or U? Pick EA & u get a heart!if u pick U,u will get hurt! I’d pick U coz it’s better to get hurt than have a heart without U!

if u notice this notice you will notice that this notice is not worth noticing!!!

I have the “I”.I have the “L”.I have the “O”.I have the “V”.I have the “E”… so pls

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Wrong person

I wanted to send u something nice that would make u smile but the postman told me to get out of the mailbox!

This message was sent exclusively for the handsome and the beautiful. We have obviously sent it to the wrong number.We are truly sorry for the inconvenience

Ur cute gorgeous fine & dandy.really sexy u make me randy.ur good wiv ur mouth & also in bed …oops sorry wrong number 4get wot I said!

I saw sumthing in da shop window 2day.It was stunning sexy cute beautiful & adorable.I was supposed 2buy it4u till i realised it was my own REFLECTION

Those innocent eyes… Those kissable lips… A great smile… The perfect walk… Smoothest talk… Absolutely gorgeous.. Thats enough bout me-How r u?

You’re Attractive Gorgeous Sexy Intelligent Smart Charming Sophisticated Fit Kind & Generous. In fact you’re becoming more like me everyday!

Uve got sex appeal.uve got style.uve got intelligence.uve got class.uve got the face & uve got the body & ive got the wrong number!

Ure so sexy u drive me insane.i luv u so much dat my heart is in pain.ur sexy voice puts me in a slumber.oh damn im sorry i have the wrong number

News Flash

NEWSFLASH.. Police arrested 2 kids yesterday: 1 was drinking battery acid the other was eating fireworks.They charged one and let the one off.

*NEWSFLASH* An independant study has proven dat those who have a bad sex life & who are crap in bed are readin dis message in their right hand!

*NEWSFLASH* A woman was found dead in her home 2day!She was discoverd in her bath tub which was filled with milk & conflakes.the police suspect a cerial killer!

*NEWSFLASH* Police r lookin 4 a suspect whos smart sexy witty & very gorgeous- they’ve already eliminated u from the enquiry (where do you think i shood hide?)

NEWFLASH tell all ur female m8s dat u can get 1000 tampons for £1.No strings attacthed but 4 limited period.Its a bloody good deal!

Police

I’m @ the police station now been done 4 drink driving.Urine sample was positive so I nicked the sample.they r now doin me 4 taking the piss

im at the police station.The police caught me & filed a case against me “possession of good looks”.i’m doomed! i need someone ugly 2 bail me out-so hurry up!

i hereby place u under arrest 4 violating code 0569 – distracting public with ur xtreme good looks &sex appeal.remain silent & report 2 my bedroom

Reasons Y

4 REASONS Y DOGS R BETTER DAN WOMEN 1)dogs obey wen u shout at dem 2)dogs dont shop 3)u can giv away ur dogs children 4)any guy can get a good lookin dog!

3 REASONS Y CATS R BETTER DAN MEN 1)cats luv u wotever u look like 2)u can stroke a cat wivout it thinkin about sex 3)u dont mind wen ur cat chases after birds!

Y MEN R LIKE COMPUTERS 1)dey r useless until u turn dem on 2)dey have lots of data but r still clueless 3)as soon as u pick 1 a better model cums on the market!

Y WOMEN R LIKE COMPUTERS 1)no one really understands dem 2)all ur mistakes r stored in their memory 3)u find urself spendin all ur money on accessories for dem!

Y MEN R LIKE TOILETS 1)dey r always out of order 2)dey stink 3)the nice ones r always engaged 4)dey consume large amounts of liquid 5)r constantly full of crap

5 BAD THINGS 2 SAY 2 A NAKED GUY 1)so dis explains ur car! 2)but still work right? 3)r u cold? 4)shood i get a pump? 5)so i guess dis makes me d early bird

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