Collection of Humour sms text messages - Add your favorite SMS at the end of the page

It’s important to find a man who has money, a man who adores you,a man who is great in the sack. It’s also important that these 3 men should never meet!

A man can kiss his wife goodbye. A flower can kiss a butterfly.Wine can kiss a frosted glass.But u my friend can kiss my ass!

i tried to call you from a payphone last night. i put my doner card in by mistake, it cost me an arm and a leg!

Hey can u do me a favour, take a pic of urself n send me it, i’m playin cards n i’m missin the joker!!

Hey friend remember dat without stupidity there can be no wisdom & without ugliness there can be no beauty… so the world needs YOU after all!

Jesus says to John come forth ill give you eternal life. John came fifth he won a toaster

A girl phoned me the other day and said…”Come on over, there’s nobody home.” I went over. Nobody was home

At dis moment in time 10 million people r having sex.5 million people r drinking coffee.100 million people r sleeping & 1 stupid fool is reading my text!pass on

The rain makes all things beautiful.The grass & flowers 2. If rain makes all things beautiful why doesn’t it rain on you?

i want u 2 know dat our friendship means alot 2 me.U cry i cry.U lauf i lauf.U jump out of da window… I look down & den… i lauf again

Word Games

Im not under d affluence of incohol as some tinkle peep.Im not half as thunk as u drink.I fool so feelish and da drunker i stand here da longer i get

Last night i wanted to send u a msg, but all i could write was: “noh ss!w !”. it didn’t make much sense until i read it upside down…

MEN-opause MEN-strual pain MEN-tal illness GUY-necologist HIS-terectomy EVER NOTICED HOW WOMENS PROBLEMS START WITH MEN??

Pls remind me 2 remind u about remindin me to send u dis reminder oh dat reminds me can u remind me wot the reminder was ive forgot!

Piss the taking is someone that realise u this like times at its! NOW READ IT BACKWARDS!!

Hello!Im a little alien called Ted.I have taken the form of a mobile phone- your phone.And during this message I have been having sex with your thumb!

This cat is cat a cat good cat way cat to cat keep cat a cat idiot cat buzy cat for cat 20 cat seconds cat! NOW READ IT WITHOUT SAYIN CAT!

A)Ur Attractive B)Ur Buff C)Ur Charmin D)Ur Delicious E)Ur Excitin F)Ur Funny G)Ur Gorgeous H)Ur Heavenly I)Im J)Just K)Kiddin L)Loser!

HOW TO KEEP AN IDIOT ENTERTAINED *press down* HOW TO KEEP AN IDIOT ENTERTAINED *press up*

Wot letters r missin in H__RT? EA or U? Pick EA & u get a heart!if u pick U,u will get hurt! I’d pick U coz it’s better to get hurt than have a heart without U!

if u notice this notice you will notice that this notice is not worth noticing!!!

I have the “I”.I have the “L”.I have the “O”.I have the “V”.I have the “E”… so pls

More short jokes for mobile phones
Silly quotes sms messages	Rude text messages
Chat up sms messages	Friendship text messages
Wisdom sms messages	Fun sms jokes
Text message jokes

Wrong person

I wanted to send u something nice that would make u smile but the postman told me to get out of the mailbox!

This message was sent exclusively for the handsome and the beautiful. We have obviously sent it to the wrong number.We are truly sorry for the inconvenience

Ur cute gorgeous fine & dandy.really sexy u make me randy.ur good wiv ur mouth & also in bed …oops sorry wrong number 4get wot I said!

I saw sumthing in da shop window 2day.It was stunning sexy cute beautiful & adorable.I was supposed 2buy it4u till i realised it was my own REFLECTION

Those innocent eyes… Those kissable lips… A great smile… The perfect walk… Smoothest talk… Absolutely gorgeous.. Thats enough bout me-How r u?

You’re Attractive Gorgeous Sexy Intelligent Smart Charming Sophisticated Fit Kind & Generous. In fact you’re becoming more like me everyday!

Uve got sex appeal.uve got style.uve got intelligence.uve got class.uve got the face & uve got the body & ive got the wrong number!

Ure so sexy u drive me insane.i luv u so much dat my heart is in pain.ur sexy voice puts me in a slumber.oh damn im sorry i have the wrong number

News Flash

NEWSFLASH.. Police arrested 2 kids yesterday: 1 was drinking battery acid the other was eating fireworks.They charged one and let the one off.

*NEWSFLASH* An independant study has proven dat those who have a bad sex life & who are crap in bed are readin dis message in their right hand!

*NEWSFLASH* A woman was found dead in her home 2day!She was discoverd in her bath tub which was filled with milk & conflakes.the police suspect a cerial killer!

*NEWSFLASH* Police r lookin 4 a suspect whos smart sexy witty & very gorgeous- they’ve already eliminated u from the enquiry (where do you think i shood hide?)

NEWFLASH tell all ur female m8s dat u can get 1000 tampons for £1.No strings attacthed but 4 limited period.Its a bloody good deal!

Police

I’m @ the police station now been done 4 drink driving.Urine sample was positive so I nicked the sample.they r now doin me 4 taking the piss

im at the police station.The police caught me & filed a case against me “possession of good looks”.i’m doomed! i need someone ugly 2 bail me out-so hurry up!

i hereby place u under arrest 4 violating code 0569 – distracting public with ur xtreme good looks &sex appeal.remain silent & report 2 my bedroom

Reasons Y

4 REASONS Y DOGS R BETTER DAN WOMEN 1)dogs obey wen u shout at dem 2)dogs dont shop 3)u can giv away ur dogs children 4)any guy can get a good lookin dog!

3 REASONS Y CATS R BETTER DAN MEN 1)cats luv u wotever u look like 2)u can stroke a cat wivout it thinkin about sex 3)u dont mind wen ur cat chases after birds!

Y MEN R LIKE COMPUTERS 1)dey r useless until u turn dem on 2)dey have lots of data but r still clueless 3)as soon as u pick 1 a better model cums on the market!

Y WOMEN R LIKE COMPUTERS 1)no one really understands dem 2)all ur mistakes r stored in their memory 3)u find urself spendin all ur money on accessories for dem!

Y MEN R LIKE TOILETS 1)dey r always out of order 2)dey stink 3)the nice ones r always engaged 4)dey consume large amounts of liquid 5)r constantly full of crap

5 BAD THINGS 2 SAY 2 A NAKED GUY 1)so dis explains ur car! 2)but still work right? 3)r u cold? 4)shood i get a pump? 5)so i guess dis makes me d early bird

More short jokes for mobile phones
Silly quotes sms messages	Rude text messages
Chat up sms messages	Friendship text messages
Wisdom sms messages	Fun sms jokes
Text message jokes

The handsets should come pre-configured to work on the network that supplies them, but if you need help setting yours up, these are the MMS settings for the main networks:

Silly quotes sms messages

Rude text messages

Chat up sms messages

Friendship text messages

Wisdom sms messages

Fun sms jokes

Text message jokes

Jelly Baby goes 2 the Dr & says “Dr i’ve got aids” Dr replys “U cant have aids ur a jelly Baby” Jelly Baby says “yes but Dr i’ve been sleepin wiv ALLSORTS!

chicken and egg in bed,chicken has head on pillow smoking.Egg rolls over annoyed saying”i guess we answered that question”

A teacher ask”wot part of the body goes to heaven first?”A child replies”feet- coz every nite i c my mum with her feet in the air screamin GOD I’M COMIN!

Put your crash helmet on, you’re going through the head board.

Do you believe in love at first sight…or do I have to walk by again?

There’s a gap in your life! Mind if I fill it!

girls are like phones. we like to be held and talked too- but if u press the wrong button u’ll be disconnected! Put your crash helmet on, you’re going through the head board.

Do you believe in love at first sight…or do I have to walk by again?

There’s a gap in your life! Mind if I fill it!

I’m not Fred Flintstone but i can make your bedrock!

Wanna play Pearl Harbor? That’s where I lay down and you blow the hell out of me

My eyes R hurting coz I can’t C U, My arms R empty coz I can’t hold U, My lips R cold coz I can’t kiss U but, My heart is breaking coz I’m not with U!

i heard someone whisper ur name, but when i turned around to c who it was, i notice i was alone, then i realize it was my heart telling me that i miss u.

4getn u is hard 2 do, 4gtn me is up2 u, 4gt me not, 4gt me neva, but don’t 4get, we’re gr8 2gether

I’m not as dumb as you look.

Elvis is dead and I don’t feel so good myself.

How do frogs die? They Kermit suicide.

It’s important to find a man who has money, a man who adores you,a man who is great in the sack. It’s also imprtant that these 3 men should never meet!

A man can kiss his wife goodbye. A flower can kiss a butterfly.Wine can kiss a frosted glass.But u my friend can kiss my ass!

i tried to call you from a payphone last night. i put my doner card in by mistake, it cost me an arm and a leg!

Ur only mine wen i dream.wen i wake i wanna scream.ur not mine im all alone.i can only text u on my fone.do dreams lie or r dey true-i hope so cos babes i want u!

If dreams werent dreams & dreams came true i woodnt b here id b wiv u.Distance is 1 thing dat keeps us apart.But ull always remain in my heart!

Y do we close our eyes wen we sleep- wen we dream, wen we kiss?dis is becoz the most precious thing in the world is unseen.Wen i close my eyes i c u!

Them: Here’s 10p – go and tell your mum you’re not coming home
You: Here’s a pound – go and buy yourself some breath freshener

Them: I never forget a face
You: Neither do I but in your case I’ll make an exception

Haven’t I seen your face before – on a police poster?

A smile is a curve that can.Straighten out a lot of things.

life is short! if you dont look around once in a while you might miss it

Those who are afraid to fall, will never fly

Can you really send text messages for free?
Yes, you can! Just register for a free account with the website listed below and start sending free sms via the web. As you might exprect, most free text messages have daily limits and then you have the option to buy extra credits for more sms.

How can this be free?
When users use up the free sms there are options to buy extra credit for more sms at reduced prices compared to the major mobile networks.

Free sms site global

WEBSITE:	SERVICES:	RATING:	COUNTRY:
Chikka	Send free SMS to mobile phones		WORLD
SMS City	20 free credits upon registration		WORLD
Free Text Messager	Send sms text messages worldwide		WORLD
ICQ	FREE SMS IN LIMITED COUNTRIES		Selected countries
Send SMS Now	Unlimted FREE SMS IN Selected countries		Selected countries
Email2sms CLUB	no registration required		WORLD

Free sms site uk

WEBSITE:	SERVICES:	RATING:	COUNTRY:
02	10 FREE SMS THEN PREPAID PACKAGES		UK
BubbleText	5 PER DAY		UK
CBFSMS	SEND FREE SMS UK ONLY (V.BUSY)		UK

Free sms site America

WEBSITE:	SERVICES:	RATING:	COUNTRY:
SmS Everywhere	Send a Message to U.S. or Canada Cell Phone		USA
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Phonecaster	10 FREE SMS PER DAY		USA
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Killsometime SMS	Send free text messages to cellphones in the US		USA
Mobile Sender	Members can send unlimited amount of messages. Membership is FREE so sign up now! Send limited free text messages without registering		USA

SMS Software

WEBSITE:	SERVICES:	RATING:	COUNTRY:
Chikka	Provider of mobile messaging services to mobile carriers around the world		ALL
Tex2me	Send texts using the internet part of your phone		ALL

Premium SMS

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BOLTBLUE	£2.99/m unlimited txt		ALL
Lycos SMS	Prepaid SMS packages 30 FOR £3		UK

New FREE SMS

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Jaxtr	Social communications site built around a mobile service. FREE SMS for $2.95 per month		ALL
UBOOT	Buy Credits 8p/sms		UK & GERMANY

Silly quotes sms messages

Rude text messages

Chat up sms messages

Friendship text messages

Wisdom sms messages

Text message jokes

I’m not as dumb as you look.

Elvis is dead and I don’t feel so good myself.

How do frogs die? They Kermit suicide.

Idiot (id-ee-it) n.- One who disagrees with you.

Reality is for people who can’t face science fiction.

Umm…your …. ZIP is open…

Wanna get stoned? Drink wet cement!

Nok nok. Who’s there? ….. Marie …… Marie who? …… Marie who wanna…!!

It is better to have one bullet in the hand than ten in the back.

I intended to become rich while sleeping, but I could not fall asleep yet.

My thoughts wondering off, I am always everywhere.

You need 60 muscles to be angry and 20 to smile why would you make things difficult?

Boys say it’s great, boys say it’s fine. 9 months later they say it’s not mine !

When my father broke in to my mother I had to sit there for months!

A bra is a thing that keeps up what would hang down otherwise …

Life is beautiful if you are willing to see it

Secrets, they only last long enough to break you down

It’s the heart afraid of Breaking … that never learns to dance.

t’s the dream afraid of waking, that never takes the change.

It’s the soul afraid of dying … That never learns to live.

It’s the one who won’t be taken, who cannot seem to give.

The IDEAL man does not smoke, does not drink, does not flirt, goes to bed early, in short … does not exist.

That is how a triathlon has been invented : go swimming on foot and coming home by bike.

No boys no love, no love no sex, no sex no people, no people no school, no school no problems.

The word HELLO means: H=How are you? E=Everything alright? L=Like 2 hear from you! L=Love 2 see you soon O=Obviously I miss you. SO, HELLO

We do have to go to school … Have to is force … Forcing is slavery …. Slavery is forbidden … SO … we do not have to go to school!

Be quiet in the classroom, respect the fact that others sleep!

Keep the school clean … stay home!

Like a rose withers, so is our relationship withering …

My mother-in-law walks 5 miles every day… I wonder where she’d be by now.

3 monkeys escaped from the zoo … one was caught watching tv … another playing football and the third one was caught reading this txt message

I started out with nothing… and I still have most of it!

As long as they pretend to pay me, I pretend I am working.

Mistakes have been made, others will be punished.

10.000 new jobs … all tax inspectors?!

I said no to drugs, but they did not listen!

The fact that there are ‘intelligent’ extraterrestrial creatures is proven by the fact that they did not contact us yet.

Being nuts or crazy is inheritable, you get it from your children.

I am still single, my parents-in-law were not able to have children.

Lots of people stop working once they found a job!

All of you who believe in psychokinetic, raise ‘my’ hand …

Join the army, meet interesting people and then … kill them…

I want to live in Switzerland where the mountains are higher than the taxes.

Reality is an illusion that is born out of shortage of alcohol.

Stress is when you wake up and realises that you haven’t slept yet.

A little clown is living in my heart. Small and very special. It can dance and jump, laugh and sing. Are you in pain and you need to cry, come and borrow it!

Make new friends, but keep the old. One is silver the other gold.

Wherever you go, whatever you do, may god’s angels watch over you.

Before you want to start making a work of art, first make a draft, that is what also God did by creating first the man and then the woman

You can eat and drink together, talk and laugh together, enjoy life together, but you are only real friends when you also cried together.

Friend: someone who tells you things while you are alive, things that others tell after you die.

A friend is someone who knows the song of your heart and who can sing it for you when you have forgotten it.

When it is raining setbacks, use your smile as an umbrella!

All nice things in life are illegal, immoral, or make you grow fat.

Mirrors should be able to think before reflecting the images.

If my head looks like yours, I’d shave my rear end and walked on my hands.

A ring is round and has no end, so is my love for you ma friend.

A friend is someone who knows when you need her…

I am on holiday … when I think of holidays I think of the beach, when I think of the beach I think of the sea, when I think of the sea, I think of jellyfish… when I think of jellyfish, I think of YOU!!!!!!!!

who digs a hole for some else is surely no selfish person !

When you are lazy, you cannot help it. When you are tired, that is your own fault.

My “aim” in life is: die young when I am very old.

When friendship is deeply rooted, it is a plant that cannot even be uprooted by a storm….

I must have been born under a lucky star , to find a friend as nice as you are. I will follow the rainbow to the end , if you promise to remain my friend !!!

Life is not easy and it will never be, but you’ve got friends and one of them is me …

Friends are like stars… you don’t see them all the time, but you know they’re there!

I asked God 4 a flower, he gave me a garden. Asked 4 a tree, he gave me a forest. Asked 4 a river, he gave me an ocean. Asked 4 a friend, he gave me you.

There is a big difference between friendship and a rose… Roses last only a while … but friendship is for ever.

No gold or precious stones … give us happiness and peace, friendship and its warmth … will bring it to us.

Friendship is a wonderful word, it might be te most beautiful one on earth. Friendship is something powerful, a gift of great value!

A friend is always welcome … Early in the morning or late at night. Time is of no importance … When it concerns real friendship!!

You cannot buy friendship, you can earn it. If someone comes for help, be a true friend !

Make your life a house your heart can live in. With a door that is open to receive friends. And a garden full of memories … of many good things.

Those who think that things happen too fast are expected in a bank or a post office!

A good movie can make you cry… so can onions.

Speaking Italian is hard, but I eat and drink it without difficulties!

Nostalgia is not what it used to be.

I never forget a face, but for you I will make an exception.

Remember that you are unique… just like everybody else!

Working is a delight, leave enough work for your colleagues.

Be yourself, there are enough other people.

There is a fine line between fishing and jsut standing by a lake like an idiot!

Mr Hague, If your short of seats why not visit the Courts summer sale?

Texting is a good way to get to know your thumb…

(To my Skydiving partner in USA – I’ve messed with your parachute!

Can you hear that? Its your brain frying!

I can’t hide it from you any longer, I’m sorry, but, there is no Santa…

After John Presoctt’s egg throwing incedent, the press thinks he should get a bodyguard. It was only a little egg, what do they think he need soldiers?

Two cows in a field, one cow says “Have you heard about mad cow disease?” The other thinks and replies “Yep but it doesnt affect us rabbits”!

What city has the largest rodent population? Hamsterdam.

The Japanese have banned all animal movements after discovering droppings in the bedding of Tokyo. They belive it could be a case of Futon Mouse.

You can alway tell when a man is going to say something intelligent. He starts a sentance with “A women once told me…”

Did you hear about the new mag for married men by Playboy? It has the same pictures month after month after month.

2 Men are fishing. A funneral march goes by. The first man places his hat on his cheast. 2nd man – “Thats nice” 1st man – “It’s the least I could do, we were married 25 years”!

Why did the farmer win a noble prize?
Because he was standing out in his field.

What do you call James Bond in the bath?
Bubble 07.

Why did the jelly baby go to school? Because it wanted to be a Smartie!

Don’t Anthropomorphize computers – They hate it.

Do you take me to be your lawful text m8, 2 have and 2 hold dirty jokes and saurcy jokes, in text messaging and in poosignal till low battery do us part?

Send to: Bill Gates: Reply to sender with Bank Account PIN Code.

Whats a Zebra?
26 sizes bigger then A Bra!

> More short jokes for mobile phones
Silly quotes sms messages	Rude text messages
Chat up sms messages	Friendship text messages
Wisdom sms messages	Fun sms jokes
Text message jokes

Maturity is knowing when and where to be immature

All of my friends and I are crazy.Thats what keeps us sane!

if barbie is so popular….then y do u have 2 buy her friends?

I intend to live forever- so far so good

Some say the glass is half empty, Some say the glass is half full, I say “are you gonna drink that?”

Iv got 2 sit down & work out where i stand!!!

Wen u smile the world smiles with u.wen ur down people will rally behind u.but wen u fart u r alone coz people will never stand by u!

people ask me if id pefer 2 go 2 hell or heaven i say hell coz its nice and warm down there

Im a nobody.. nobodys perfect.. therefore IM PERFECT!!!

I didnt kiss ur boyfriend! I told his lips a secret!!

I would stop eating chocolate.. but I’m not a quitter!

Silly quotes sms messages

Rude text messages

Chat up sms messages

Text message jokes

Wisdom sms messages

Fun sms jokes

My eyes R hurting coz I can’t C U, My arms R empty coz I can’t hold U, My lips R cold coz I can’t kiss U but, My heart is breaking coz I’m not with U!

i heard someone whisper ur name, but when i turned around to c who it was, i notice i was alone, then i realize it was my heart telling me that i miss u.

4getn u is hard 2 do, 4gtn me is up2 u, 4gt me not, 4gt me neva, but don’t 4get, we’re gr8 2gether

among ur frens i care 4 u da most, among ur frens i lov u da most, among ur frens u hurt me d most coz….i know dats all im 2 u… among ur frens

Luv will fly if held too lightly.Love will die if held too tightly.How should I hold u.How do I know if I’m still keeping you or I’m letting go…

You can alway tell when a man is going to say something intelligent. He starts a sentance with “A women once told me…”

Did you hear about the new mag for married men by Playboy? It has the same pictures month after month after month.

2 Men are fishing. A funneral march goes by. The first man places his hat on his cheast. 2nd man – “Thats nice” 1st man – “It’s the least I could do, we were married 25 years”!

Why did the farmer win a noble prize?
Because he was standing out in his field.

What do you call James Bond in the bath?
Bubble 07.

Why did the jelly baby go to school? Because it wanted to be a Smartie!

Don’t Anthropomorphize computers – They hate it.

Do you take me to be your lawful text m8, 2 have and 2 hold dirty jokes and saurcy jokes, in text messaging and in poosignal till low battery do us part?

Send to: Bill Gates: Reply to sender with Bank Account PIN Code.

Whats a Zebra?
26 sizes bigger then A Bra!

What did Mrs Christmas say to Mr Christmas during the Thinder Storm? Look at the Rain Deer!

What do you call a dog with no legs? It doesnt matter what you call him he aint gunna come!

For Sale – Complete set of Britanica, 74 Volumes, good condition, £1000 ONO, No longer needed, got married, wife knows everything!

I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but i couldn’t find any!

If ignorance is bliss WHY are there so many unhappy people?

If love is blnid then why is lingerie so popular?

Why did the cannibal rush over to the cafe? He heard childeren were half price!

Mary had a little lamb she tied it to a pylon 10,000 volts went up its bum turned its wool to nylon!

If a big fat man comes late night into your room and wants to pack you in his bag, do not worry, I told Santa that i wont you for Christmas!

What do you call a Dinosaur with a large haemorrhoids? A Megasorarse!

For Sale: 1 Gran Reconditioned heart, body needs great attention nearest offer or will swap for pokemon cards.

Why don’t lobsters share? Because they are Shellfish!

Why do Teletubbies go to the loo togather? Because they only have one Tinky Winky.

Twinkle Twinkle little know how she likes iit in her gob when she feels that certain twitch. she pulls it out the spiteful bitch.

Yo mama’s arms are so short, she has to tilt her head to scratch her ear.

I’m an alien, I’ve transfored your phone and as you are reading this i’m having sex with your finger, I know your liking it because your smiling now!

Mary had a little lamb and the doctor fainted.

I’m pink, therefore I’m spam.

How do you keep a idiot in suspence?

I’ll tell you tomorrow!

I wish I was a glow worm, A glow worm’s never glum How can you be unhappy when the sun shines out your bum?

Roses are red, violits are blue, a face like yours belongs in the zoo.

Why did the Manager hand out lighters to all his team? They kept on losing thier matches!

Two canibals were eating a clown, one said “Does this taste funny to you?”

Send this message to all of your friends. Every time you forward this message a little boy in Africa will get spanked and beated!

Do you believe in LOVE at first sight or do I have to walk by again?

Sex is like NOKIA (connecting people) like NIKE (just do it) like PEPSI (ask for more) like SAMSUNG (everyone is invited) and like ME (TO GOOD TO BE TRUE)…

A peach is a peach, A plum is a plum, A kiss ain’t a kiss, without some tongue. So open up your mouth, and close your eyes, and give your tongue Some exercise!

I am a killer, I kill people for money. But because you are my friend, I’ll kill you for nothing!

Birdie birdie in the sky dropped a poopy in my eye, I don’t worry I don’t cry, I’m just happy that cows can’t fly!

Don’t be sad… don’t feel blue… Frankenstein was ugly too…

When did I realize I was God? Well, I was praying and suddenly I realized that I was talking to myself

Hi I’m an alien I’m checking for some chicks in your phonebook searching….. searching….. searching….. sorry no chicks found. conclusion, your are gay!

Handsome, Sweet, Intelligent, spontaneous, good-looking, nice friends, charming, funny, well…Enough about ME! How about you?

Somewhere, some1 dreams of your smile & finds your presence in life so worthwhile. So when your lonely, remember its true that some1, somewhere, is thinking of u.

Hello to the owner of the cell-phone with no.+44……..Your sim-card is been cracked open by Hacker’s, and will destroy your phone within 24 hours from NOW!

Death is the greatest kick of all. That’s why they save it for last!

No Boys! No Boys, no Sex. No Sex, no Kids. No Kids, no School. No School, no problems! Why Boys??

Yes, God made you first, but there’s always a rough draft before the final copy.

This cat, is cat, a cat, good cat, way cat, to cat, keep cat, an cat, idiot cat, busy cat, for cat,20 cat, seconds cat!…Now read it without the word cat.

Roses are red, violets are blue, Frankenstein is ugly but what the hell happened to you????

Roses are red Violets are blue Love stinks and so do you !
B If I could rearrange the alphabet, Id put U and I together.

Press down down more Ok more YES ahh ohh yes almost there yeah oh shit harder SO GOOD ! hmm That’s how I sex on text !

The NHS regrets to inform you that your birth was an accident. Please report to your nearest hospital to be put down. We apologise for any inconvenience.

At this moment 5 million are having sex 2 million are in gun fights 91m at a party and one sad f**ker is reading his SMS.

There is Hot-sex, Fast-sex, Group-sex, Safe-sex, Leather-sex, Telephone-sex, and for people with your face…NO SEX!

There are 4 animal species a woman needs in her life: Jaguar in her garage, mink in her closet, tiger in her bed! And of course a donkey to pay her bills!

Love is a sensation dat is caused by temptation, a boy puts his location in a girls destination, do u get my explanation or do u wanna demonstration?

Do you like maths, if so add a bed, subtract ur clothes, divide your legs and we can multiply!

Sex is real evil, sex is a sin, moaning and groaning as he slides slowly in, It cant last 4eva,I no it’s a shame, dat 1 night of passion leads to 9months of pain!

I like your style, I like your class, but most of all i like your arse!

Cat & Rooster walking near d pool, Cat falls in the pool, Rooster starts laughing, Moral of d story?…When ever there’s a happy c**k there’s a wet p**sy!

Be nice to the ones who smoke.. every cigarette might be their last.

BEEB! Send this message to 5 of your friends and you will have unbelieveble sex tonight! If you break this chain, you’ll never have multiple orgasm again!

Birdy birdy in the sky, left a poopie in my eye. Me don’t care, me don’t cry, me just happy that a cow can’t fly!!

Braindetector activated, calibrating, now searching………still searching……get a good grip of your mobile….still searching…….no brains found.

Did I not see you yesterday at the mall, with a grey jacket? No? O, than it was a rubbish bag after all!

Silly quotes sms messages

Text message jokes

Chat up sms messages

Friendship text messages

Wisdom sms messages

Fun sms jokes

Them: Here’s 10p – go and tell your mum you’re not coming home
You: Here’s a pound – go and buy yourself some breath freshener

Them: I never forget a face
You: Neither do I but in your case I’ll make an exception

Haven’t I seen your face before – on a police poster?

Look who’s talking – I bet when you go to the zoo you have to buy two tickets: one to get in and another to get out.

I think the sun shines out of your arse.
Well, you’re living proof that even a turd can be polished.

Let’s be honest with each other . . . we’ve both come here for the same reasons.
Yes, you’re right. Let’s go and pull some girls.

Are you always this stupid or are you making a special effort today

Brains aren’t everything. In fact in your case they’re nothing

Don’t let you mind wander – it’s far too small to be let out on its own

He doesn’t know the meaning of the word “fear” – but then again he doesn’t know the meaning of most words

I don’t know what makes you so dumb but it really works

Your face looks like you’ve been using it as a doorstop
Your face would not only stop a door, but also most clocks and a herd of charging buffalo

If your face had “Welcome” written on it, it would make a perfect doormat

If you put your face by a door, no one would ever come in

Your face is such a mess, when you practice diving why don’t you make sure the pool has water in next time.

Your face is such a mess, why don’t you get your dog something different to chew on ?
Your face is such a mess, you should stop reading before slamming the book shut

Your face doesn’t look like a doorstep, it looks like the door just kept going

Your face is such a mess, you must stop using it to hammer in nail