Text Message Jokes

> More short jokes for mobile phones
Silly quotes sms messages	Rude text messages
Chat up sms messages	Friendship text messages
Wisdom sms messages	Fun sms jokes

Police text message jokes

I’m @ the police station now been done 4 drink driving.Urine sample was positive so I nicked the sample.they r now doin me 4 taking the piss

im at the police station.The police caught me & filed a case against me “possession of good looks”.i’m doomed! i need someone ugly 2 bail me out-so hurry up!

i hereby place u under arrest 4 violating code 0569 – distracting public with ur xtreme good looks &sex appeal.remain silent & report 2 my bedroom

If a big fat man creeps into your bedroom one night and stuffs you into a bag, Then do not worry ’cause I told Santa I wanted you for christmas!

Smilin is infexous u catch it lik d flu.wen sum1 smild at me 2day i startd smilin 2.now im infectd iv sent it thru dis txt.so now ur smiling who wil it go2 next?

Dear friend! Do you take me 2 b your lawful text mate.2 have & 2 hold.4 dirty quotes or saucy jokes.in text messaging & in poor signal.til low battery do us part?

girls are like phones. we like to be held and talked too- but if u press the wrong button u’ll be disconnected!

A good friend is like a good bra… hard 2 find- comfortable- supportive- prevents u from falling- holds u tight- and is always close 2 ur heart!

THE NHS REGRETS TO INFORM U THAT UR BIRTH WAS AN ACCIDENT.PLEASE REPORT TO UR NEAREST HOSPITAL TO BE PUT DOWN.WE APOLOGISE 4 ANY INCONVINIENCE

Merry Christmas, Enjoy New Year, Happy Easter, Good luck on Valentines, Spooky Halloween & Happy Birthday Now bug off and don’t annoy me for the next 12 months!!!!

why do i text u? its my choice its my way of sayin dat i remembr u. why do i remembr u? il neva know its not my choice its my hearts.

Last nite I lay in bed looking at the stars- the beautiful sky and the endless horizon….& suddenly I thought…where on earth is my roof?

If U delete this message thats bcoz u love me. If u save it thats bcoz u desire me & if u ignore it thats bcoz u miss me. So what u gonna do with IT?

Theres an urgent meeting in the jungle! Everyones there.. lions, tigers, cheetas and ape, but the meetin cant start because the monkey is reading this text

God made butter god made cheese god made you for me to squeeze god made whiskey god made pepsi and when he made you he made you SEXY!

It’s important to find a man who has money, a man who adores you,a man who is great in the sack. It’s also imprtant that these 3 men should never meet!

A man can kiss his wife goodbye. A flower can kiss a butterfly.Wine can kiss a frosted glass.But u my friend can kiss my ass!

i tried to call you from a payphone last night. i put my doner card in by mistake, it cost me an arm and a leg!

Hey can u do me a favour, take a pic of urself n send me it, i’m playin cards n i’m missin the joker!!

Hey friend remember dat without stupidity there can be no wisdom & without ugliness there can be no beauty. so the world needs YOU after all!

Jesus says to John come forth ill give you eternal life. John came fifth he won a toaster

A girl phoned me the other day and said…”Come on over, there’s nobody home.” I went over. Nobody was home

At dis moment in time 10 million people r having sex.5 million people r drinking coffee.100 million people r sleeping & 1 stupid fool is reading my text!pass on

The rain makes all things beautiful.The grass & flowers 2. If rain makes all things beautiful why doesn’t it rain on you?

i want u 2 know dat our friendship means alot 2 me.U cry i cry.U lauf i lauf.U jump out of da window… I look down & den… i lauf again

News flash text message jokes

NEWSFLASH.. Police arrested 2 kids yesterday: 1 was drinking battery acid the other was eating fireworks.They charged one and let the one off.

*NEWSFLASH* An independant study has proven dat those who have a bad sex life & who are crap in bed are readin dis message in their right hand!

*NEWSFLASH* A woman was found dead in her home 2day!She was discoverd in her bath tub which was filled with milk & conflakes.the police suspect a cerial killer!

*NEWSFLASH* Police r lookin 4 a suspect whos smart sexy witty & very gorgeous- they’ve already eliminated u from the enquiry (where do you think i shood hide?)

NEWFLASH tell all ur female m8s dat u can get 1000 tampons for £1.No strings attacthed but 4 limited period.Its a bloody good deal!

Reasons Y text message jokes

4 REASONS Y DOGS R BETTER DAN WOMEN 1)dogs obey wen u shout at dem 2)dogs dont shop 3)u can giv away ur dogs children 4)any guy can get a good lookin dog!

3 REASONS Y CATS R BETTER DAN MEN 1)cats luv u wotever u look like 2)u can stroke a cat wivout it thinkin about sex 3)u dont mind wen ur cat chases after birds!

Y MEN R LIKE COMPUTERS 1)dey r useless until u turn dem on 2)dey have lots of data but r still clueless 3)as soon as u pick 1 a better model cums on the market!

Y WOMEN R LIKE COMPUTERS 1)no one really understands dem 2)all ur mistakes r stored in their memory 3)u find urself spendin all ur money on accessories for dem!

Y MEN R LIKE TOILETS 1)dey r always out of order 2)dey stink 3)the nice ones r always engaged 4)dey consume large amounts of liquid 5)r constantly full of crap

5 BAD THINGS 2 SAY 2 A NAKED GUY 1)so dis explains ur car! 2)but still work right? 3)r u cold? 4)shood i get a pump? 5)so i guess dis makes me d early bird!

Wrong person text message jokes

wanted to send u something nice that would make u smile but the postman told me to get out of the mailbox!

This message was sent exclusively for the handsome and the beautiful. We have obviously sent it to the wrong number.We are truly sorry for the inconvenience

Ur cute gorgeous fine & dandy.really sexy u make me randy.ur good wiv ur mouth & also in bed .oops sorry wrong number 4get wot I said!

I saw sumthing in da shop window 2day.It was stunning sexy cute beautiful & adorable.I was supposed 2buy it4u till i realised it was my own REFLECTION

Those innocent eyes… Those kissable lips… A great smile… The perfect walk… Smoothest talk… Absolutely gorgeous.. Thats enough bout me-How r u?

You’re Attractive Gorgeous Sexy Intelligent Smart Charming Sophisticated Fit Kind & Generous. In fact you’re becoming more like me everyday!

Uve got sex appeal.uve got style.uve got intelligence.uve got class.uve got the face & uve got the body & ive got the wrong number!

Ure so sexy u drive me insane.i luv u so much dat my heart is in pain.ur sexy voice puts me in a slumber.oh damn im sorry i have the wrong number

Warning text message jokes

Children playin outside cars can cause accidents.but adults playin inside cars can cause children by accident!

Boys should tell their trousers that it ‘s rude to point

be careful when a guy tells u that he loves u from the bottom of his heart.for this may mean that there is still enough space for another girl on top

Be friendly to your children as they are the ones that decide where you live when your are old.

When you finally find the perfect guy you think to yourself why isn’t he taken?

boys r like mascara, dey run on da first sign of emotion

while w8ing 4 d right person 2 come- play & hav fun with d wrong 1.but b careful with who u play with bcoz dat person mite b d right 1 all along

If you fool me once shame on you.If you fool me twice shame on me.

Guys are like roses- watch out for the prick